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The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock    by Tanya Selvaratnam order for
Big Lie
by Tanya Selvaratnam
Order:  USA  Can
Prometheus, 2014 (2014)
Softcover, e-Book
* *   Reviewed by Carrol Wolverton

Feminism has done wonders for women's rights. It has not done wonders for women's biological clocks. This whole book is dedicated to the reality of the big lie, emphasizing that fertility in both men and women is finite, and we are well advised not to ignore that fact.

Selvaratnam's angst as a childless woman soaks through her well researched and documented book. Much of it is not her fault, but some is. Some of our children result from pure luck in connecting with the right mate and circumstances. Her fault is listening to her peers and colleagues instead of her body and feminine intuition. The truth lies within.

The author's multiple miscarriages haunt her. She is far from alone. When I lost a child, I already knew that the next door neighbor had lost a son. I soon learned that the neighbor next to her lost a child, and the woman across the street lost a set of twins. It's a tough topic and one that we don't always talk about.

Selvaratnam laments the fact that feminism has caused women to delay childbirth. This is true, but is it a bad thing? I learned many years ago as a single parent counselor that women can expect to spend two-thirds of their lives supporting themselves. Will it be a low wage Mc-job or a career and decent salary? It still makes sense to get a life before getting a kid. We see all too many poverty-ridden angry young people populating our crime statistics.

Marriage may or may not be the solution. North Florida's Judith Erwin decries the death of marriage in her blog by the same name. As an attorney and UNF professior, she's seen many changes. Marriage rates are dropping like rock slides, and marriages are not lasting. A significant percentage of women have trouble conceiving in the first place, married or otherwise.

Infertility is a whole topic in itself. The author examines in depth options concerning fertility and clinics. She outs the scams and gives loads of resources available. A woman wanting a child has many options, and this book details them and how to access information.

What's a woman to do? Have children as soon as practicable. You may need to put career options on hold for a while, work part-time, or work at a job that allows flexibility. You will likely forfeit income and job opportunity to do this. The good news is that other opportunities will arise later. Though it's unspoken, that human resource person is delighted that you are past prime child-bearing age. Believe in yourself, keep improving, and the world opens to you. The feminist movement, lies or not, has made those options possible.

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